Beverly Hillbillies in Paris. We Made It Y’all!

-Now why you suppose he’s doing that?
-I reckon that’s how people say hello in Beverly Hills.–The Clampets after being flipped off

7:30am My travel morning started thus:

[Eyes closed in the tub. He blasts into the room Kramer-style]
Husband: I put the dog food in the garage blah blah blah…is this OK?
Me: Yes.
Husband: Because it will save Dorothy time blah blah blah, is this OK?
Me. Yes.
Husband: I just thought blah, blah blah, is this OK?
Me: Fucking, YES! I said ‘yes’ three times!
Husband: Is this how it’s going to be today since you didn’t get any sleep?
Me (to self): I’m going to punch him in the face.

Anyhoo, rough beginning. But we kissed and made up. Anyone who knows my relationship with David knows he is the clear victim. He’s adorable and perfect and I’m a bitch who doesn’t sleep.

We are flying business class on American Airlines by cashing frequent flyer points and not spending much. (Hence, traveling in February). Readers should know we either can’t afford to fly this way or we just are the cheapest sons of bitches you have ever met and so we rarely fly this way. You get to decide.

We made our way to the Business Class/First Class Only Admiral’s Lounge to ride out a long layover at DFW whereupon checking in they gave us each A Free Drink Voucher.

Even before we get through into the inter sanctum of the Admiral’s Club, the Husband excitedly asks me, in his ‘outside’ voice, DID YOU GET YOUR FREE DRINK COUPON? I caution Boy Wonder to take it down six or eight notches. Not defeated. Not even deterred. He makes a B line to the free food.

Aboard the plane he immediately locates the freebie gifts we’ve been provided. He tears open the: “Fuzzy-socks-toothpaste-toothbrush-travel-kit” and scrolls through the movie options for the night. He’s pestered the flight attendants to borrow a car charger and is sucking down his free champagne. I clocked this at 3 minutes in. After a movie and a meal I encourage, nay insist, he take a Lunesta and I don’t hear from him again until quiche is served.

We are greeted at our Paris apartment by Eric, an American who’s lived in Paris long enough now that he doesn’t smile. Our apartment this trip is on the Right Bank. We are not too far from the Bataclan so I will make my way there at some point to absorb the atmosphere and compare/contrast Paris 2014 to Paris 2016, the years sandwiching the two terrorists attacks of 2015. Eric says we can expect lots of delays in the metro system but not much else has changed.

We slept last night in a quiet bedroom that was incredibly hot. This morning’s lesson was remembering that we have A/C in this apartment, learning how to use it, and understanding Celsius to Fahrenheit conversions.

David starts French class today. In expected form, he set his alarm but awoke early to get ready. He rehearsed: My name is David, I’m from the U.S., I was a lawyer but now I’m retired….over and over in French with me. Over and over.

Over. And. Over.

He packed his lunch: a jelly baguette sandwich (would that he could’ve included the peanut butter to make this a more elucidative point). With his backpack, and a good 30 minutes earlier than necessary, he headed off to his First Day of School. God help them all.