Sprucing up for My Kidnapping

We’re heading to Egypt on Friday. To get ready, I’ve been letting my hair go grey and I got permanent eye makeup. Because, when they show the photo of me with my kidnappers, it’s important the folks back home say, “She looks well”, but more importantly, “She looks good”.

I told my kids about the probable kidnapping and they do not think I’m crazy at all:

They also have promised to rescue me:

I got greedy with the permanent makeup and went back to have my lips inked. I spent a couple of days catching myself in the mirror and wondering who it was that I looked like. When it hit me, it hit me hard.

But if you see a kidnappee who looks like Sock Monkey, it’s not me. The swelling has gone down. Now, if you see one of someone who looks like they’ve been bobbing for cotton candy, you might want to call my kids.

We will be traveling with six friends on a Nile River cruise. Our line up is of course me, The Husband and the following cast of characters:

I’ll eat anything but foods that are foreign to me, sauces I don’t recognize, and veggies—especially cucumbers. But really, anything else – MATT

It’s reserved, it’s booked, it’s arranged, it’s paid, it’s on the list, did you see my spreadsheet? – LYNN

My leg hurts but my arm’s better, I don’t think I’m contagious, I sound worse than I feel – NATE

That’s funny, I have something funny to tell you, this is going to be so fun – SANDY

I’m going to the top, I’m going to the bottom, I’m riding it, I’m trying it, I’m buying it – MARK

Okay, sure, works for me, whatever, absolutely, sign me up – DANA

As always, hope you’ll follow along as we wreck another continent. I’d sign off in Egyptian Arabic but I only know how to say, “Please, don’t take my kidney.”