Paris Fashion Advice (from the Girl in Clown Shoes)

As a study in anthropology and not because I’m a creepy voyeur, I took these photos from my balcony this morning to support my theory regarding Paris fashion.

My hypothesis: Paris men dress snazzy and Paris women dress utilitarian (and the Brits. Hoo boy, where to even start?):

Here’s my Paris fashion advice 2017 (All opinions are my own and also, I wore clown shoes yesterday so don’t listen to me):

Men – Review last 800 years, pay attention to lapels, ties and hats because that is all that has changed. Now, go get dressed in your crisp two or three-piece suit that fits you tight, yeah, you know how I like it (oh, sorry.) Find some colorful socks and some very narrow-toed shoes and say ‘hello’ to 2013-2017.

Girls below age 10 – Anything goes but if you just need a little guidance I suggest if you wear a tutu to the banks of the river Seine at midday and a smart Channel suit in size 4T to stroll the gardens of Paris. Both girls and boys: playground pants and shirts should absolutely not match in color texture or pattern.  Just you do you.

Teenagers – You must make every effort to wreak of cigarette smoke. If for some religious reason you must wash your hair, don’t run a brush through it. It would be a bonus if your hair color did not match anything found in nature. Wear whatever you want as long as it is torn and too small. Do carry a Prius-sized purse. You can’t wear this ensemble to work (you are obviously too young to work) but it is perfect for the nightclubs.

20-30 something ladies – Go to your mother’s closet. Back where she keeps her ruffled fuschia prom dress there should be high waisted (acid washed is fine) jeans. Cut these off at the bottom and fray them or at least roll them high above the ankle and hike those waistlines way up there into your nether lands. Now go to your dad’s closet and find his 80s Adidas shoes. This can be worn to work or just to hang out in front of buildings smoking.

30 and older ladies – You should wear dark tights when possible even if your shoes are light colored. Shoes really don’t matter. It’s all about the tights. A scarf is also a requirement and it must be worn about the neck at all times, even in 65 degree weather. Those earmuffs and gloves look good in the summer, too.

Italian ladies – Just go home. If I see any more of your flaired pink polyester pants on the Paris rooftops I will upchuck my oeufs. How are you still taking selfies? Go!

I leave you now with photos of Parisian People, Mannequins and Imposters.