Reims. It Rhymes with France

Reims. It rhymes with France. Nope, I am not kidding. This French language is like something backyard kids made up to keep the grown ups from understanding their shenanigans.

We find ourselves in Paris, the world of champagne and caviar, but our morning breakfast consists of Kellogg’s cornflakes. Lunch is usually skipped altogether and dinner is…Picard. Two Euro, four minutes in the microwave and then the magic happens. It’s gut-hugging laughable that I always look for apartments to rent with a full kitchen. As if.

So we decided to take the train to the Champagne region for a little indulgence. Let me tell you what indulgence à la Osh looks like: Train at 9:40am, no place to sit. Arrive in rain. Tourist office too busy. Taxi to Taittinger cellars. Jump into a 30 or more people tour called a “Tour maximum 20”. The cellars were pretty awesome if I could’ve heard myself think over the crying baby (do you know caves echo?) and the extraordinarily loud Dutchman. The champagne tastings they served were bubblicious but I could hear none of the finer details about what we were drinking due again to the baby and the Dutchman.

We trudged back to the cathedral where most of the kings of France were throned and at least one pope was baptized. Stained glass by Chagalle, yada yada. Then walked all the way back to Veuve Cliquot cellars only to realize there was positively no way we would get a tour and still catch our train. Seven miles we walked that day in the drizzle, passing a Raiders of the Lost Ark carnival. I would rate our trip in totality very much below the epic scale.

Reims. I want to say “a place for dreams” because that seems like it should rhyme and also be true. But Reims, it rhymes with France, saw it in a glance, loud baby chants and rude Dutchman rants. I was not entranced with Reims.

Bet you won’t ever call it REAMS again.

13 Comments

    1. Possibly poor planning or expectations on our part. I generally don’t like to go on guided tour bus packages but the Champagne region might be one to do this. Next time maybe.

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    1. Well, hellooo there new best friend! Having just read your most recent blog post I’m feeling a little sheepish about complaining about a little drizzle on my way to drink champagne in Champagne! Based on our openly confessed fantasies you and I just might be cousins from the Old Country. Thanks for tagging along with me!

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    1. I think my issue was that baby! Who takes a baby into a six floor deep champagne cave? But I saw the signs to Epernay and thought maybe this one time those bus tours would have been a better option.

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  1. Your blog post today sounds like the vacation from hell! I hope you have quieter and sunnier days ahead. A few more days like that one, and I’d be counting the days until I could go home. I admire your ability to write a humorous account of a miserable and disappointing day.

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    1. Oh no! I didn’t mean for it to sound miserable. You can see from the photos we laughed a lot. Goodness. I need to watch that. I don’t ant to be anything but grateful. I just know to do it differently next time (take a tour bus, for example)! Thanks for the comment.

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  2. How unlucky? Why take a baby to a Champagne tasting session? The mind boggles. You certainly picked a bad day! The Champagne region is quite big, so give it another go. Put Reims down to experience and forget about it. When one travels so much, bad days are part of the pack and parcel. I am sur eylou’ll get more good than bad. A votre santé! 🍷🍷🍷

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    1. Tout à fair! It was just a series of bad breaks that day but I still had a blast. Will definitely revisit but next time by car or bus. Too much geography to cover walking in a daytrip!

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  3. According to the old song, “The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plane” — but when in Reims, the rain in France falls mainly on your plans. OK, so it doesn’t exactly rhyme, but I had a good time reading about your time in Reims, and your writing is sublime, which is more than I can say of mine.

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