Growing Older. Every. Damn. Day

It starts with that first grey hair, sprouting near your forehead and taunting you in your rear view mirror on the day, (the very day!), of your 30th birthday.

Over time you notice your once toned and tanned legs seem soft, rippled and.. are those speckles? It’s then you see your legs have the color and consistency of the underbelly of a trout.

Your breasts have changed, too. Well, there were surgeries of course: to make them bigger and then smaller then higher. You’re the damned Goldilocks of boobies.

One day on the Paris subway you regard your own reflection in the glass and your sister sounds the Look-at-me-I’m-an-American alarm by exclaiming in her outside voice, “Your forehead look like Dad’s!” I respond in a louder voice, “You mean OUR dad? Dad, who could hold two pencils and a Sharpie in his forehead grooves? THAT dad?” “Yes,” she’s says now quietly comme les français, “That dad”. Naturally, Botox is your first stop when you’re once again stateside.

You used to settle for Oil of Olay off the drug store counter but now you drive an hour in the wrong direction to the fancy salon to buy the $200 deep-lifting, skin-tightening, sun damage-defying designer stuff in the jar so small the TSA doesn’t even call if a liquid or a gel.

You’ve spent hundreds of dollars on making your hair lighter over the years only to spend hundreds more now coloring it darker. Your grey hairs don’t look like the soft white ones your mom had at your age. Yours look like a Jack Russell’s; perhaps a homeless one.

You do all this only to have your seven year old grandson say, “Sonny, if you and Papi did that Age App to make you look older, you would look exactly the same as you do now!” You briefly consider tearing the treat you just handed him away but his parent is there. The parent who is the very person you helped raise. And he’s laughing. So you show them your picture (and Papi’s) from the Age App and they both visibly shudder at the sight of the creatures the Russians say you’ll become someday. In that moment you think about a murder/suicide mission because these old people; the ones the app created, must never ever walk this planet.

Later, when you are readying for bed before dark because it takes time to slather and massage your old parts, you look to your spouse with concern pondering whether to disinherit the ingrates but then you affirm to each other, “Come on? We look AMAZING!” drawing out the MAZ part for emphasis. And you go to bed knowing you are old but that’s not going to stop you from fighting it. Every. Damn. Day.

Or is that just me?

53 Comments

  1. hahah there was so much social psych here – and culture stuff Am- like sounding like and american – and getting thru TSA – and then all those changes and options for body shaping etc.
    well written and fun!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. so much – and one of my very first posts on my blog (xmas 2013) addresses this topic – and i am all for some of the “helps” and oh my goodness are “lifestyle lifts” a helpful thing for some faces – ha
        and a point i made in my post was how much more important appearances are for folks in front of the camera (which in a way is many folks as they selfie and video their lives) but i was more talking about lindsey lohan (at the time she had lips too big and she did too much too young and that still bothers me – especially if it is chemical related because it is not healthy for physical body )
        but some of these anti-aging options are a gift to society – in our culture that is –
        my husband was just in Nicaragua for a week – unemployment rate was 70% –
        and he came back changed in outlook – but he said he saw a lot of happy people – a lot of joy – and many folks just idle and around (no work) but the men were not too masculine to smile at him – or even bro hug – he also said not a lot of folks were depressed or on meds.
        they had little – but in other ways they had much

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I will go to your page to find that post. Lindsay started so young she actually managed to make herself look older. Thank goodness the over-filled lip phase has ended (for most). I do think your husband’s observations are on point. And happy people age better than worried people so they will always look better even without the nippy-tucky.

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      3. ok- thanks for looking for it and i was not soliciting it!
        and i really enjoyed this post of yours
        the three boob job thing and your little nuggets – like briefly mentioning so the russians can see us – well there was much hype about this app being related to the country and i love how you added that in…

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      4. Thank you so very much. I’ve enjoyed your post immensely over the years. I really am curious to read your aging post and while looking for it I read a few of your other older posts. You’re a great talent!

        Liked by 1 person

      5. That was beautiful. Since your blog says that “comments are closed” for that post I’ll have to say it here. I really liked the part where you suggest my 70 year old self will look back on today and think my 56 year old self looked pretty good (paraphrasing, of course!). Thanks for the link. You write beautifully.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. you are so kind – and i love your reply –
        maybe i should open comments on old posts – i was getting spam
        for a while – and goodness – that feels like such a different me! i have had my ass kicked a couple times since that post! lol
        you know how it is – we change but also
        stay the same – anyhow – thanks for taking the time to read it….

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Lol. Great post, Alison. I’m relatively accepting of the wrinkles, since I can’t do much about them. I don’t fall into the “wearing them as a badge of honor” camp, it’s more a matter of continual surprise! Besides, by the time I take all my various meds at bedtime and get my heating pad in the right position to alleviate my various aches and pains, I’m too tired to be bothered with creams and unguents! 😏

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Rats. You’ve just reminded me I forgot to work the aches and pains into my post! Glucosamine and Ibuprofen might as well be the names of my sorority sisters as I call upon them so often.

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  3. Funny you should post this today when I only just asked my husband whether I should stop dying my hair and let it go grey naturally. We’ve even been looking at photos of women who have embraced that look and they look great. As for aches and pains, I’m not there yet, but no doubt will arrive all too soon! Here is to getting old disgracefully! 🥂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My older sister just decided to let her hair go grey. They had to bleach it to a platinum blond first (she had naturally dark hair) and she’s currently looking gorgeous. It’s a balancing act to be sure. Someday when I live out my dream to live abroad for a year, that’s when I’ll go au naturel…I think I will anyway!

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  4. Another entertaining and on-point blog post from you, Alison. I stopped waging the grey hair battle sometime in my thirties or forties. I was born with a white streak of hair on the side of my head and then started turning grey when I was 16. After years of hair dye, I finally just gave up that fight and embraced my grey hair. What I have not been able to embrace are my wrinkles on top of wrinkles and crepey skin. Overnight my legs went from cellulite to crepe paper! My solution is I rarely look in a mirror or at my arms and legs. Works most days.

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    1. I had a colleague who had a grey streak in her hair in her 20’s and she used to call it her “personality”. I thought that was cute. How I wish I’d have listened to my mom when she told me not to sunbathe. I hate my crêpey skin and will be first in line when they have a real cure (providing it’s good for you, readily available and cost less than $12.95). Thanks, as always, for the comment. I love your feedback.

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    1. Hey—you’re WELCOME! The happy lines aren’t too bad. It’s the frown lines and the smokers-lines-even-though-I’ve-never-smoked lines that I’d like to be rid of! So nice of you to read and comment. Have a wonderful day!

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    1. I bet you don’t have me beat. I think we all must feel the same thing: grateful for another day and afraid of what we’ll look like tomorrow. I’ve always believed youth is wasted on the young. Good to hear from you!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Alison, we’ve got some kind of psychic connection. I just published my post on the topic of aging and then went to the Reader – right there at the top was this post of yours. I’m still using the Oil of Olay and have no plans for any bodily augmentations yet – but I’ll check in with you when I get to that point. What’s this aging app called?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I need to go read your post. It makes me smile to believe in our psychic connection. The day you wrote about your dog eating your roast beef, I had written a post about my dog’s shenanigans (never posted because I couldn’t get the ending to sound right. “Then he died” wouldn’t have been true). The app is called FaceApp. There was a lot of hullabaloo stateside because the Russians made the app and by using it, you’re giving them ownership of the pics you upload, which didn’t bother me but bothered some. Can’t wait to read your post, sister!

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  6. Hello Allison, In a while, roughly the equivalent of a human pregnancy, I shall expect my 70th birthday. My husband is ever so impatient for the day to arrive because he is busily planning some extra-ordinary surprise event. Me, not so much, although I like round numbers, the really round ones, like 30. I enjoyed your take on the more lamentable aspects of the epidermal maturation process, or is it curing, really? Thank you for visiting ClaudinhaPure!

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    1. I rather like the same round number. Anyway, if we must age, at least we do it with husbands who ride alongside us. Happy 70th in advance. We might as well start rounding up!

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  7. Isn’t it odd that none of us grow younger but we still seem to enjoy life. Mostly. Oddly enough, even with my aging body I feel better than I did 8 years ago when I naively thought I was really getting old – probably because I turned 55 and that was always I thought I’d retire at. Yes, definitely better now. Indeed, a-MAZ-ing! Keep writing dear. I love it all!
    May you age as gracefully into the future as you have to get this far.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. As one reader said in the comments, my 70 year old self will someday look back on today’s self with some envy. I’m glad to hear you’re feeling better today than eight years ago. That says something about the standard of care you’ve been receiving. I would take myself warts and all over my naive young self to just about any battle. Thanks for the comment. I always love hearing from you.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for understanding it is just levity. Several people want to talk me into loving myself. I do. I really do. Just thought my grandson was funny and wanted to share! Thx for the like/comment.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. It’s been fun to see comments on this. Everything from “embrace your authentic self” to “fight it all the way”! Thanks for the like and comment.

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