I’m In a New Relationship

I’ve updated my Facebook status to show I’m in a new relationship. This will be news to The Husband but that’s his fault. He’s seen me in these past few weeks being distracted, checking updates on my phone, jumping up to leave the room when I get a notice…

I got a Fitbit for Christmas. And just like with Ricky Hildebrand in the 6th grade, I am a slave to this thing.

I was recently on a plane and I guess the passenger next to me thought I seemed fidgety as I was randomly moving my arm up and down—because I need to get those 250 “steps” per hour. I consider telling her what I’m doing then realize she will harshly judge me so I say instead, “I’m a meth addict and this is what is known as tweaking”. She still seems aggravated and flummoxed then turns to the woman seated on her other side and says, “Mommy, what’s tweaking?”

Nearly every day since December 25, I have met my ten hour Fitbit goal for the explicit joy of seeing the fireworks explode on my screen—“Stop it!” I blush, “Why are you so good to me, Fitbit?”

For years now I’ve watched three of my siblings battle each other on daily steps because they are..what? In some sort of Fitbit competition? They can see each other’s daily progress. My brother is in California but the Oklahoma sisters will look at their Fitbits and jump to attention. “Bob’s on the move!” one will exclaim, prompting them both to leave the meeting, lunch or funeral they are attending. When my dad was in the hospital after a stroke I would watch them get the “buzz” at 10 till on their watches then march from the room swinging their arms like Nazi soldiers. “How odd and silly”, I used to think but now I’m the one pushing through crowds and ramming little old ladies over when the clock strikes 10 till any number between 8am and 5pm.

Fitbit tells me I got 9 hours of sleep last night. I’ve never slept 9 hours before and I remember being wide awake from 1am to 4am but Fitbit says I was in “light sleep” and Fitbit wouldn’t lie to me. And just like that, 40 years of insomnia: cured.

I’m in the honeymoon stage of my new relationship. It is sure to wane. Someday I will call those prompts nagging instead of nudging. But for now, I’m in love. And I gotta go. It’s 10 till and I see fireworks in my future.

23 Comments

    1. I never look at my phone now! I used to carry it to track my steps but don’t need to now. I use my phone for music and phone calls and the iPad for reading at night since it doesn’t have a blue screen. Not all technology is bad but it sure is abused by some. Did you ever get a Smartphone?

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Ah yes. I remember having moments of idleness & freedom before the Apple Watch entered my life with its insistent Close Your Rings! message. But I have trained myself to ignore it and Voila, it shuts up. Happy Fit New Year.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Funny thing is I got my husband an Apple Watch for Christmas. Neither of us had requested these items and now we are both so giddy when goals are reached. Apple must’ve hired the guy that designed slot machines since the same allure for bells and whistles exists in both. I must learn to curb my excitement. The first step is admitting a problem, am I right?

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    1. I do! I have a water fountain outside of my living room and am astounded at the number and variety of birds I see (in north-central Arizona). Happy New Year to you, too!

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  2. I’ve worn a Fitbit for more than 5 years, and I especially love the badges you get…walked the length of the Siberian Express, etc. I’m between the length of the African continent and whatever comes next (a surprise!). You should start getting those soon. My annual notice just came and told me more than 3 million steps last year. When people ask why I wear my old Fitbit when I also wear an Apple watch,I tell them the same thing you said–I’m in a relationship with the Fitbit. But I also hop to the activity circles on the watch. And people wonder what I’m doing in retirement! Walking…I’m walking. Welcome to the cult.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve always been a walker but now I’m not sure—if you’re not wearing a Fitbit— do those steps all those years even count?! I need those badges, Beth!

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  3. Aaahhh! This makes me remember my first time. He was cheap Chinese knockoff but not a bad choice for my small bones. We had some good times together – at least 3 or 4 that I can think of. Unfortunately he was cheap and cheated on me. There were seldom fireworks. He’s in a box now. Buried somewhere.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. But—don’t leave me hanging—is there someone new in your life?! I’m desperately standing in a line to board another flight and dammit, I’ll be seated before the next hour and back to being a meth addict. Miss you!

      Liked by 1 person

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