Inappropriate Thought Bubbles

Don’t you wish humans had those cartoon thought bubbles above their head so you’d always know what someone was thinking?

A few weeks ago I was preparing to bake meat in a cast iron skillet. My friend Mindy taught me this method and I have been cooking every known type of meat in a cast iron skillet since. As Mindy likes to say, my enthusiasm about this is like I invented penicillin. Well, call me Madame Curie.

So there I was cooking a meat source in a cast iron skillet and had announced to The Husband to get ready to open all doors and windows because the smoke alarm would be going off (cast iron baking has some drawbacks). He’s emptying the dishwasher and has a knife in his hand. I yell, “GO!” He turns in circles with the knife in his hand. Smoke alarm is screaming. Behold our thought bubbles:

This incident led to an hours long stand off until I finally went to him and said we should not be fighting given that we are in the End of Days and he is my Quarantine Person. He agreed.

When this pandemic was first underway my sister Dorothy and her Quarantine Person, husband Bob, were out somewhere when Bob thought he caught some spittle on his face. Bob holed himself up at home for a two week quarantine while Dorothy texted her sisters exchanging LOLs and laugh emojis—that one with the tears. I can assure you no one called back to check on Bob. We Piermans are more of a suck it up buttercup sort.

A few weeks ago my sister Judy was hoping for a meaty meal for what she had deemed in her head was to be her last because she probably had the virus (we Piermans dwell in histrionic health). She came upon her Quarantine Person, husband Duane, cooking a pot of beans. BEANS! She may or may not have flipped him off, the record is not clear (she totally did), but he double flipped her off which was a declaration of war. She lunged all 95 pounds of herself at him, choking him. I know you are thinking:

But they have been married for 50+ years. Their marriage has not to now been a violent one but you can’t cage a Pierman. Everyone should know that.

I’ve been feeling sorry for myself lately, missing my old life and having the World’s Happiest Man as my Quarantine Person when what I really need is someone—like Judy has—someone to choke. Yesterday The Husband was talking to our son, Jake, on speakerphone. I was doing the backstroke in my pity pool when The Husband, that sweet, sweet man, said something completely ordinary like, “My shirt is green,” yet this extraordinarily inappropriate thought bubble percolated:

Only the words actually came out of my mouth. I backpedaled, “Jake, this quarantine thing is really getting to me.” They both laughed because they recognize the Pierman runs deep in me and we really, really should not be caged. Later The Husband said there’s no one else he’d rather have for his Quarantine Person than me.

Idiot.

Ps I love my husband. I wear a mask. I know the virus kills. This is satire.

37 Comments

  1. If I had a thought bubble over my head, I am afraid I would have no friends. Thankfully, I have a well trained prefrontal cortex which manages to filter those thoughts before I say them. Well… most of the time. 😮 Thanks for the laugh, Alison.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I wish especially the media and politicians had them. How amazing would that be? You are not alone though. All of us would be exposed as ugly at some point if people could read our bubbles. Thank God for that prefrontal cortex!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This has been a most fun read. I never tired of smiling the whole time I read it. The thought bubbles are great to frame in your travel chronicle for the quarantine of two.
    A great inspiration for an original way not to get bored in confinement. I hope this story has several chapters.
    Happy Sunday and may quarantine couples think of doing other things out of place to give you writing material.
    Manuel

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I just love you.

    From: “A Pierman Sister” <comment-reply@wordpress.com> Date: Saturday, May 16, 2020 at 8:00:45 PM To: “Barb Denny” <BDenny@okcchamber.com> Subject: [New post] Inappropriate Thought Bubbles

    Alison posted: ” Don’t you wish humans had those cartoon thought bubbles above their head so you’d always know what someone was thinking? A few weeks ago I was preparing to bake meat in a cast iron skillet. My friend Mindy taught me this method and I have been cooking”

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I love it! Yes, Cast iron cooks well but messy.
    I love your thought bubbles, but I especially love the one that says “Idiot”. I was not a fighter but a sulker (is that even a word?), I avoid confrontation, so not much gets solved. 15 years into our marriage a lot of hostility bottled up, I turned away from husband and muttered under my breath, “Idiot”. He walked toward me and said, “Did you just call me an idiot?!” Damn it! Caught. I looked up at him and said, “Yes.” That was it. We both erupted in laughter. From then on, that has become our dispute breaker. I learned then that I can speak my mind and still be loved.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You can’t know how much that story pleases me! I love that your dispute breaker is idiot. I might borrow that I made the mistake of telling my husband when we were dating and I was taking a class on communication that people should not use three words when arguing: you, always, never. So anytime we are arguing and I say, “You always/never do such and such…”He just throws it back at me and I’m sunk. Also, my sister Joan is a *sulker (*not a word says spellcheck which changed it to sucker).

      Liked by 1 person

      1. lol. Yes, we took one of those classes once years ago and we picked madcow or something like that as our dispute breaker, but idiot worked better and was easier to remember. lol

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Love your cartoon sketches, Alison! Life would be easier if we knew what people were thinking, but I’m not sure I’d want everyone to know what I was thinking all of the time. My hubby introduced me to cast iron cooking early in our marriage. The skillet turned black and I couldn’t for the life of me scrub it clean, so I threw it out; I’ve never heard the end of that one. Now we have many blackened cast iron pots and pans, a hood vent so powerful it could suck the hair off your head, and a smoke detector without a battery. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My damn smoke detectors are hard wired. It’s like the fire department is onto us cast iron cookers. My sketches were abysmal but thanks for the kudos. I still think if we all had them (ESPECIALLY politicians) we could all carry around Bullshit signs and raise them like auction paddles.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Did you do this artwork? I love it. I’m really thankful no one can see my thought bubbles. They are too honest and unforgiving. I do love your thought bubbles though. Your humor takes the sting out.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I wouldn’t go so far as to call it “art” but yes? I did that mess. Everyone’s thought bubbles suck. That’s why we all need them! Thanks for dropping by.

      Like

  7. I loved this story! And no need for the qualifier at the end…we can take something seriously and still laugh at it. I do it all the time. And quarantine is tough on everyone, Pierman or not. Hang in there and hope it ends soon!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Except there’s always that one person who comments that I have it easy and to quit whining! Not whining really. Just trying to have a laugh. Thanks for the comment. Doing well here. Hope the same for you.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Yeah, what is it with people that they have to make comments like that? So annoying…I guess some people just like to “correct” others. Doesn’t mean they’re right…this was a great post!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. This is fabulous. I can totally relate to how difficult it is when your Quarantine Person has this eerie ability to keep his shit together and perform superhuman steadiness. It can be unbearable. But what I would really like an explanation for is this sentence: “So there I was cooking a meat source in a cast iron skillet . . . ”
    A “meat source”?? Was there an entire cow in that skillet? What’s that about?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can’t remember the meat (though I feel like it was chicken)! I didn’t want to make it up and have my Quarantine Person dispute it. But thank you, bless you, for understanding my plight. These guys can be absolutely unbearable.

      Liked by 1 person

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