An Uncommonly Common Cold (Or What the Hell, World?)

I recently went to see the drive through doc. I had a black eye from a fall I took while fainting, a rash of blisters on my torso and a separated rib from coughing but the good news was my 101 degree fever had finally broken. The very young Physician’s Assistant ran a few tests then returned to my room and declared, “You have what’s known as the common cold”. Of course I do, Doogie, of course I do.

Because why not an uncommonly common cold? Things we never imagined are now common.

Yesterday I went to my favorite clothing store and my favorite sales clerk who used to dress and appear like a man was dressed like a woman and asked me to call him they.

A couple of weeks ago The Husband went to the grocery store for lemons but the store was out of lemons and declared they didn’t know when they’d be getting any more. The Husband drove by no fewer than sixteen lemon trees, full of lemony goodness, on his way home to tell me I’d not be enjoying my gin and tonic the way I commonly do.

It is common for the stock market to ebb and flow daily in graphs that look like the Pyrenees.

It is common for my pharmacy to be closed or for my medication to be unavailable.

Dr Fauci declared the Covid pandemic phase over while it has become common for a whole host of congress members to be out of commission with Covid. Meanwhile it is common to see some people continue to wear masks and will till their dying breath while others will die having never been masked.

It is common for my daily news feed to include articles of inflation, elections and war in Ukraine while also covering hard news like this:

Who are these 291 sharers?

Bah, what is common any more?

I talked to my 94 year old mom the other day. I had to explain that I’d been out of touch because of the litany of symptoms that had accompanied my “common cold”. She shared with me that one of her care providers had been exposed to Covid.

“Aren’t you afraid of getting Covid?” I tried to scream (laryngitis).

“Nah,” she dead-panned, “I’m more afraid of the common cold.”

25 Comments

  1. Hey Alison! Glad you’re alive and (sort of) well. I hear you on the drive thru Doogie Howser thing. I drove to urgent care 11 miles away with swollen eyes from a sinus problem only to learn I’d be seen in my car using a video app on my phone. If I had known that, I never would have left home! If your clothing store guy wants to be a gal, that’s fine, but why does he get to be “they”? He’s still just one person, right? Would it have killed your hubby to stop and ask if he could pick a lemon off one of those burgeoning trees? Maybe your grocery should consider a more local supply chain. I only wear a mask if it is required (medical facilities where they see you in person. It’s hard to do a mammogram via video conference.) I would also like to know who the 291 sharers of the butthole thing were, so I don’t I inadvertantly shake hands with them in church or invite them over for dinner. At least your uncommon cold hasn’t affected your sense of humor.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Damn! I wished I’d read this a few days ago when I was ready to kill. But the kicker was why buttholes itch! I could have laughed louder or harder. Thank you! You never fail to delight.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Your mother is quite something. I can see where you get your sense of humour…
    Yes, the world is crazy. I don’t know what our generation did wrong. I swear we did what we could…
    I hope you are better. (Shame for the gin & tonic though)
    🙏🏻

    Like

  4. Is this your last blog post, Alison? I miss your entertaining blog posts. I hope you’ll get back to blogging. I hope you’re well. I apologize for not touching base with you until now.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh you sweet sweet friend. Yes, this was the last time I posted. I’ve had a long span of writer’s block stemming from the shutdown during the pandemic. I need something to jumpstart my creative juices. Nice to hear from you! And thanks for making my day.

      Like

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