#MeToo and False Equivalence

I wrote the following post last fall when #metoo hit its full stride, when Harvey Weinstein went into hiding and Matt Lauer was dethroned. I didn’t post it then but I feel the #metoo movement continues to be a run-away train. So here is my very personal #metoo rage. Apologies in advance to those who thought they knew me.

“Republicans are embracing this pedophile, Roy Moore, but won’t accept gay marriage” asserted ABC’s political pundit, Matthew Dowd, and then he alleged that “Republicans are hypocrites because they believe Harvey Weinstein’s accusers but defend Roy Moore against his accusers.” He said all the #metoo accusers MUST be believed. Then he smiled like he’d just won the game.

After that my head exploded. This is NOT a game.

Matthew Dowd, you seem to know something about pedophiles? Hey, me too! I have met a few. The most innocuous was my grade school teacher who used to take me to the cloak room pretending he was swatting me. I was just a little girl standing in the cloak room holding my own tiny ankles. My grade school teacher didn’t look very much like Roy Moore. None of the pedophiles I ever met did.

Matthew, have you ever been drugged and raped like some of the women who have accused Harvey Weinstein? How about that? Me too! When I was 18, my boss was living in a hotel room, separated from his wife. He asked me to pick him up from there for a business appointment. He offered me a glass of water and I woke up with him inside me. So, I met Harvey Weinstein that day and I met another Weinstein years later in an OKC bar. Neither of them looked like Roy Moore.

Mr. Dowd, did you once fall for the charms of an older man when you were a teen? Well, these coincidences are downright eerie because, me too! When I was just 16 I dated a 24 year old (which made me feel sophisticated). This man stole my youth but he was not a monster like the pedophile or the bad boss. I will say though he—and the high school teacher who made an unwanted pass at me—looked a lot like Roy Moore.

Nah. I am not joining the #metoo movement and not one of my perpetrators shall be named. I just won’t sit idly by listening to these false equivalencies. There is a spectrum that ranges from inappropriate (like the woman who appeared on Megan Kelly to “out” her fifteen-years-former co-worker who had told her she looked hot) to downright evil (like Harvey Weinstein). Somewhere on that spectrum sits Roy Moore. I am not a fan of Roy Moore but I take vehement exception to Matthew Dowd’s remarks that he is a pedophile or that he is like Harvey Weinstein.

As to Mr. Dowd’s dangerous suggestion that all these women coming forward must be believed and deserve airtime and that all the men being accused of anything must be punished equally. No. Even if most of the #metoo ladies are truthful and aggrieved, any accusation that can ruin or change someone’s life forever should at least be substantiated. I want the damn Blue Dress.

To Matthew Dowd and anyone else who has bastardized the #metoo message: Sit down and shut up because this is NOT a game.

Because, me too.

28 Comments

  1. Wow, Alison. This post isn’t really in the “Like” category, but it’s hard to comment on, too. You are a courageous woman. I don’t feel worthy to say anything but to applaud your strength in being able to move on – more than once, to be able to put your trust in other people (men) despite such assaults, and to be willing to speak out. Bravo. It is up to every one of us, female and male, to keep this movement and its message alive.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Except for the pedophiles, I feel I could have avoided the other circumstances. Not that it excuses the behavior of the men but I’ve learned a long time ago I can protect myself from further occurrences. It’s important we recognize the Roy Moores and the Harvey Weinsteins. The recognition itself is empowering. Thank you for commenting. It’s a post that has been in the queue for awhile so clearly not an easy one to put out there.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Amen! I wrote a similar post but one less accusatory to Roy Moore. Our families were friends for a good many years, though Roy was out of the home by then and in school. His family has suffered tremendously over this entire thing. Did he do it? I would be hard pressed to believe so. But how would I know for certain? I’d been a victim in the past (not by him) and sometimes I feel that I have radar for perpetrators. I never got that vibe from him even though, he could be quite charming.
    The idea that a woman/man can accuse and destroy another person’s life on their say-so is frightening. At the same time, how do you truly know for sure? It is the kind of thing that becomes a she says-he says and that is the conundrum. The thing of it is, like you I got over it and my experience does not define me. It does not make me a better or lesser person and it is not my life’s purpose to be vindicated.
    There was a scene in the film “French Kiss” where Meg Ryan’s character says, “Fester, fester, fester” (I don’t recall in what it was in regard to, but the phrase stuck with me) At some point you have to move on or your spirit can become gangrenous. (Sorry, I rambled here)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I certainly didn’t mean to beat up Roy Moore. He was slandered and slayed by the media. I can’t count the number of men who were “interested” in me from the onset of puberty. One guy tried to kiss me when I was only 12. When he found out my age I thought he would throw up. I just figured most of them couldn’t tell my age which made them innocent of anything sinister and I think that is where Roy probably was. You and I are aligned—we both want the blue dress and #notavictim.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I spoke to his sister and they are trying to heal, but I have not asked her what she thought. Mostly, because I know how much she loves him and how the whole family loves him to pieces. Plus add to that, she lost her only two grandson’s and a nephew in an airplane crash not that long ago that devastated the family as well. (The boys ages were like 6-11 years old)
        So yes, Absolutely! give us the blue dress!!

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, I think perhaps so. It is sometimes not the easiest row to hoe, to talk outside the box. Mass hysteria solves nothing. It’s important not to disregard but instead to take stock and fix it, if at all possible.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Agreed. There is a wide spectrum.
    Personally I am still waiting for Weinstein to be indicted.
    ??
    I don’t think he has been yet. Shouldn’t he be?
    ??
    (Take care)
    (On another train of thought, mentally prepping for our summer trip to Paris! yeah!)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Very wide indeed. The media is feeding the frenzy of people who are 1) seeking 15 minutes of fame, 2) seeking revenge, or 3) politically motivated. It has got to end. The fact that Weinstein hasn’t come out of hiding must mean his end is nigh.

      And on your other note I am green with envy about Paris. I can’t stand that we aren’t going this year. Have a fabulous time. I hope you will blog about it.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Agreed on all three. Nigh? Not sure. It’s taking forever.
        And about Paris, so, so sorry that you’re not going this year. I hope it’s just lack of time. But you can always change minds. 😉
        And yes, I will blog about it. With speciallthoughts of you.
        A bientôt

        Liked by 1 person

      2. We went to the Netherlands and Belgium for a couple of weeks in lieu of a longer trip to Paris. It’s hard to stay away from my mom for very long. I look forward to reading your posts and living vicariously through you.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Yes! I did! In Magical Thinking I would consider my rantings to have had an effect. 😉
        I think Cyrus Vance had been dragging his feet. And so far, I think he is only indicted for two counts. Let’s see how it goes. 🙂
        Have a nice week-end Alison.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I applaud you for speaking out and also for waiting to do so. So much just fell from the skies when the Weinstein et al stories broke that I think many started wondering if it was indeed a frenzy. Change doesn’t happen because it was news for a month and everybody wire black to an awards show. Abusive behaviour didn’t start and end with Harvey and Matt and I think we need to be reminded now and then that it happened and continues to happen to others, to people not associated with movies and TV, to friends and neighbors, and to and by men and women. And we have to use the stories we read and hear of to teach our sons and daughters how to be respectful of others. And that also includes how not to make just a statement but to make a difference.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh, very sorry for such a wide variety of atrocious behaviors on the part of men. So sorry, Alison!
    Anyone who loses their innocence before they are out of high school by someone eight year’s older has lost “too much.” I tried to wait to age 19 and my 2 daughters managed to get that far, too.
    There is so much to think about and I cannot even try to decide which situations are horrific, since only each individual must deal with them, along with those who imposed or forced others must face responsibility. . . To me, it is just important to be supportive and caring to all victims. Hugs, Robin

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Robin. It was only on reflection I realized how bad some of these situations were. So I’ve lived a mostly blissfully ignorant life and have not been scarred too deeply by any of it.

      Like

      1. Good to know you realize these were wrong situations, but are not too deeply scarred, Alison.
        I tend to see mostly positives, but need to also not accept the times I have to compromise my moral compass. hugs 💐

        Liked by 1 person

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