Call Me Ishmaeled

I’m a recently cured insomniac. If you’ve been a sleeper your whole life, you’ve also been a dreamer. Not me. This dreaming thing is a world of wonder for me.

Here’s one dream I had several weeks ago. Remember Carolyn Hill and Doug Rogers. That’s it. I woke up one night from this dream—or shall we say commandment—I muttered my way to the bathroom carolynhill dougrogers carolynhill dougrogers carolynhill dougrogers carolynhill dougrogers, got back into bed and have continued to say this to myself since. I don’t know a Carolyn Hill or a Doug Rogers. Not yet. I believe I am destined to meet them and have been looking for them on social media. This annoys The Husband, “It was a dream,” he begs, “Carolyn and Doug are not real.” I wave him off as I sign up for a $99 online people search.

Another dream I had two nights ago had me embattled with a great white whale. In my twilight sleep I knew that I would be the victor if I could just yank harder. HARDER! Meanwhile (and possibly related), my slumbering husband was awakened to calamity of his pillow being torn out from under his head. Even though it was incredibly violent, The Husband who is the Grand Poobah of sleepers stirred only slighted then drifted right back to sleep leaving me in the clear. I thought.

The next morning we were about an hour into a nine hour drive and he queries, “What was it you were doing with my pillow last night?”

I do my best to sound indignant, “I was…Ishmael…I was Ishmaeling.”

Ishmaeling is not a thing,” he accuses, eyes hooded and judgy.

We reached our destination yesterday evening and as we got into bed I Clint Eastwood to him, “Keep your pillow on your side of the bed and nobody gets hurt.” Several hours later, he rolls over and smacks me in the eye. His claim is that we were in a smaller bed and he didn’t know I was there. I don’t even have to puzzle about it. I was revenge-Ishmaeled.

I can’t wait to tell Carolyn and Doug.

22 Comments

  1. Dreams are weird. The other night I had a dream that I was having a weird dream. It woke me up but only in my dream where I got up and paced around until the bad feeling went away and I could get back to sleep. In my dream I slept the rest of the night and woke up refreshed and ready to go. In my dream. In real life I woke up exhausted and wondering what the hell happened! Good luck with your new found night life.

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  2. Heck, Alison! It sounds like your unconsciousness is making up for lost time! I said ‘sweet dreams’ in a previous post, but they are turning out to be slightly on the bitter side. Hope you’ll dream of chocolate next (and don’t drown on it, please!) 😉

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  3. When I’m lucky enough to sleep, I’m plagued with outlandish dreams where I’m usually doing manual labor I’m unable to do in “real life.” It is indeed exhausting! I hope you get relief from your violent dreams soon.

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    1. I’m just getting good REM sleep for the first time in my adult life. Taking natural hormone replacement from a compound pharmacy and corrected a magnesium deficiency through supplements and diet. A few other behavioral things as well. I love remembering my dreams and feeling rested when I wake up. There’s a whole thing called lucid dreaming that is supposed to help you remember your dreams. I’ve never tried it but maybe it’s worth looking into.

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    1. We’ve named the male cardinal who drinks from our fountain several times a day Doug Rogers. I’m not giving up that an actual human Doug Rogers and Carolyn Hill will turn up in my life someday though. On another note: I iMessaged you through Facebook about my sleep remedies. Hope you got it.

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  4. You’d presume they’d be a couple, but the only Carolyns I’ve heard of are Baby Boomers, and the only Dougs I knew were Gen Xers, so it may be a mother-son thang–or a May-December romance. Gross, Carolyn. What is she thinking? I had crazy dreams last night, but as 12 yrs a slave insomniac, I LOVE any dreams or nightmares, so yay! Last week, I awoke after 10 hrs. 10 hrs! Like it’s 1989 again and my body could sleep past six hours. I was like, “This is not my beautiful life. This is not my beautiful car.” I thought I was in the Twilight Zone. But also grateful. Even if it was just one night in this past decade. You already know how nice it is to be in the land of the living again. Woot!

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    1. 10 hours!? Whaaaa? How? Impressive, girl. Of course my dream boss didn’t tell me how to spell Carolyn (Caroline?) or Rogers (Rodgers?) which only complicates things. I do think they might be lovers. I keep telling the Husband when he’s less than, “Doug would never do that to Carolyn.”

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